GLOW Counseling
Moshe Rozdzial, LPC
Denver, Colorado

Gays & Lesbians Out and Well
Psychotherapy for emotional, sexual, spiritual, and mental health
Coming Out Gay/LGBT - Frequently Asked Questions
Coming out is the very personal process of making your identity, as a member of
a sexual minority, visible in the world, to one degree or another.  The coming
out process is different for every person, occurring at different ages, life
stages, and in different ways and settings.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Coming Out GLBT/Gay:

I have same-sex attraction.  Am I Gay or queer?
    Sexuality in on a continuum and only you get to define it. Coming out is part of a journey of
    identity formation, self understanding, and self-acceptance. The coming out process begins with
    coming out to oneself about who you are as a sexual being. This may be a frightening process,
    especially if your sexual orientation is socially condemned, or it may be an epiphany, liberation,
    or an affirmation of what has been apparent for a long time, or all of the above.

My friends are pressuring me to come out as Gay/GLBT.  Do I have to come out?
    No one should force or pressure you to come out until you are ready.  Coming out means you
    are ready to cope with the social consequences of visibility and homophobia,  such as possible
    rejection, loss of employment or housing, or even violence.  You are the one who determines
    when, where, and to whom you should disclose your identity, and, foremost, only you get to
    define your sexuality and safety.

I am questioning my sexual orientation within a heterosexual marriage.  What
should I do?
    Coming out in a marriage is difficult and  frightening for both parties.  It is important to proceed at
    your own pace, taking time to discover who you really are. It is also important to be honest with
    yourself , and, when you are ready, with your partner. Both you and your spouse may feel alone
    and insecure. There is grief and loss on both sides. Seek out positive role models, social
    support, and professional counseling to assist you and your partner in the process.

How do I come out to parents, at work, at church, or other social settings?
    Queer-identified persons learn very early to compartmentalize their lives into separate zones of
    safety:  being out in some arenas and closeted in others.  We often choose to come out when
    the risks to our dignity and integrity outweigh the risks of disclosure. Be prepared for initial
    negative reactions from some people. Remember, it took time for you to come to terms with your
    sexuality, and its important to give others the time they need to deal with this revelation. Build
    confidence for yourself by first coming out to trusted individuals, and have a support system in
    place for you to debrief your coming out experiences.  In many cases the coming out process is
    positive, with people saying that they knew all along and were waiting for you to disclose. If the
    reaction is negative, remind the other person that you are the same individual you've always
    been, and provide them with resources, such as PFLAG or books on the subject, to support
    them on their journey of acceptance and understanding. Remember, disapproval or rejection is
    no evidence of your lack of worth or value.

When is the best time to come out Gay or Lesbian to a child(ren)?
    If you are a gay parent or family member, it is generally best to come out to a child sooner than
    later, when the child is still young.  This is because younger children have not been as exposed
    to the negative cultural messages about sexuality and sexual orientation, and are more open
    and accepting of sexual variance than teens or young adults, for whom homophobia is a
    constant interpersonal dynamic at school and peer groups. When you are ready to come out to a
    child, teen, or young adult, be sure to do it in person, get support from other relatives, and give
    age appropriate information.  Answer their questions honestly, without getting involved in
    discussing sexual behavior. If they have difficulty with this information, give them time and
    understanding.  Tell them you will always be available to answer their questions and anxieties.  
    Many adolescent boys will be concerned about how their peers will respond if they found out,
    fearing ostracism or bullying, and/or that your coming out somehow defines their own sexual
    identity.  Assure them that they will determine both the management of this new information and
    their sexuality and attractions.

Why am I still challenged about coming out after being out for so long?
    Coming out is a lifelong, continuous process. As more security is established, we come out to
    more and more people and in more aspects of our lives.  This integration process allows us to
    become less reliant on others for our positive self-concept and increasingly to have more
    positive relationships with ourselves and others. It does not however take away from the reality
    that homosexuality is still seen as transgressive in many areas of society, and a judicious
    awareness of our safety continues to be important for our self-protection.

I'm afraid of being "outed" by someone who knows I'm Gay or Lesbian.  What do I
do?
    Coming out is risky as long as it continues to have negative consequences in your life.  You can't
    always control the information of your sexuality once others know. Its not your fault that others
    can't accept who you are. Be careful not to let your self-esteem depend on the approval of others.
    In more extreme situations, others may even threaten to "out" you as a form of coercion or
    control.  If that happens, seek support from trusted others.  You may want to re-evaluate such
    wounding relationships and their importance in your life. Remember, you have the right to be
    who you are and honest about all of your identity, including your sexual orientation.

Why should I risk coming out?  What are the positive outcomes?
    There are many important things to consider when coming out, including some of the positive
    outcomes:
  • enhanced self-esteem and confidence
  • greater honesty and integrity about who you are
  • reduction of anxiety and fear
  • greater freedom of self-expression and creativity
  • positive self -concept and dignity
  • healthy and honest relationships
  • being open to a supportive community
  • integrating sexuality with other aspects of identity

GLOW (Gays and Lesbians Out and Well) is psychotherapy and counseling with a
gay-affirming focus for the Denver, Colorado, LGBT community.

Click here for a  link to an article on my community work on GLBT-Domestic Violence,
Click here for more on GLBT couples counseling in my Denver, Gay relationship counseling practice.
Click here for more on LGBT-centered therapy in my Denver, Colorado Gay psychotherapy practice.
Click here for more on substance abuse, alcoholism, and sex addiction in the LGBT community.
Click here for more on depression therapy in the LGBT community in my Gay mental health practice.
Click here for an article on Gay Parenting.
Click here for more on bisexuality counseling in my Denver, Colorado GLBT mental health practice.
Click here for more on gender nonconformity in my Denver psychotherapy practice.
Click here for more on GLBT domestic abuse and violence in my Denver Gay therapy practice.
Click here for more on grief counseling in my Denver Gay counseling practice.

CALL NOW! For a free, confidential, phone consultation: 303-399-2314.
Located at 3500 E. 17th Ave., #3, Denver, Colorado,  80206--info@glowcounseling.com
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GLOW Counseling: Denver, Colorado, psychotherapy, sex therapy, and mental health
CALL or E-MAIL NOW! For a free consultation:
303-399-2314  or  info@glowcounseling.com