GLOWcounseling.com Blog

Prostate cancer is the most common cancer (representing about 25% of all new cancer diagnoses) in men in the USA. While radical prostatectomy, or surgical removal of the prostate, is the medical treatment of choice, the major urological complications of this procedure are incontinence and erectile dysfunction (ED), regardless of the surgical method used. After surgery, the risk of erectile dysfunction is as high as 90%, significantly impacting the quality of life and taking up to 3 years for the return of partial erections.

Don’t wait for recovery from surgery to address sexual dysfunction. While various medical treatment options are available, including phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitors (Viagra, etc.), penile injections or suppositories, vacuum devices, and penile prostheses, none address the psychological and emotional impact of sexual dysfunction on the patient and his relational life. There is also a ‘use it or lose it’ component to the erectile capacity of the penis. Therefore, waiting for recovery and subsequent sexual inactivity may actually hinder the ability to recover erectile capacity. Along with psychotherapy support for such post-surgery issues as performance anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem, sex therapy also provides relationship counseling and behavioral tools to enhance sexual expression and function.

Some tools to enhance sexual function and expression in men after prostate cancer surgery:

First and foremost, communication, communication, communication.

Counseling and sex therapy.

Sexual activity in the morning when an erection is more likely.

Ample amount of tactile stimulation, manually or orally, before and during sex.

Spending more time on sexual activities other than intercourse.

Focus on sensuality and intimacy rather than sex.

Achieving orgasm via other techniques.

Trying new sexual activities outside of the usual repertoire.

Encouraging the experience sexual pleasure regardless of sexual difficulties.

Taking turns at giving or receiving sexual pleasure.

Consulting with a doctor about oral medications and impact of prescriptions.

Phosphodiesterase Type 5 Inhibitors such as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc.

Injection or suppository therapies.

Genital devices for blood flow (vacuum pump).

Over the counter supplements that impact the arousal pathway.

Mechanical devices (vibrators) and sex toys.

Other mediums for sexual outlets and support: self pleasure, videos, magazines, etc

The holiday season is a time of great expectations. Often this leads to feeling pressure to spend more money, overeat, use alcoholic beverages, postpone sleep, and to put on a holiday “happy face”. There may also be challenges for those living alone or away from family. This may lead to stress, overwhelm and depression. Some suggestions on how to handle holiday stress in healthy ways are as follows:

1. Maintain healthy eating habits. Don’t let the holidays become a dietary nightmare. Overindulgence may add to stress and guilt, and health risks. Pears make a good healthy snack before parties, to curb the seasonal splurge.

2. Acknowledge emotions. Expecting to feel like a turtle dove or connected may not be possible if you are isolated or pressured. Identify and express your feelings. Volunteer if you are home alone for the holidays. Giving reduces isolation and helps you feel useful and productive, and may give you a perspective on your own problems.

3. Home security. The holiday season often means lots of time out of the house; travel, shopping, and long drives. Take time to roost at home like three French hens. Home and hearth grounds us when we get overwhelmed.

4. Maintain healthy relationships. Holiday stress may put pressure on relationships. Notice the calling card of anxiety in yourself and others and respond with understanding and compassion.

5. Maintain spending limits. Decide what you can afford and then stick to your budget. Avoid financial anxiety that may haunt you into the new year. Five gold rings may not necessarily buy you happiness if you have to refinance the mortgage.

6. Take time for yourself. Even a few minutes alone, in a quiet place can be relaxing. Avoid walking on holiday egg-shells. Give yourself time to maintain some normal routine. Self-soothing activities like a bubble bath or meditation may restore calm during a hectic season.

7. Maintain an exercise routine. Exercise is the best stress reducer. It releases brain endorphins that enhance a sense of well being. It keeps you fit in the sedentary time of winter. Try indoor swimming. It’s a good aerobic winter exercise when you are limited by the weather.

8. Just say NO. Avoid resentment and overwhelm. You don’t have to be the maid for everyone’s wishes. Learn to be assertive and ask for what you need.

9. Get plenty of rest. There’s a time to dance and a time to sleep. Too little rest can increase depression and anxiety. Avoid stressors, situations, food, and drink that keep you up at night. Get the amount of sleep you really need.

10. Reality check. The age of technology is an age of leaping changes. Family traditions may change as well. Find new family rituals and ways to connect with loved ones. Cell phones, Internet, and video can keep you close, even if they’re far away.

11. Plan ahead. Make a schedule of do-able holiday tasks and complete one essential task per day. These “victories” will keep your confidence up. Avoid perfectionism. Don’t neglect necessary tasks like paying the bills. Frozen pipes will destroy your holiday if the gas bill hasn’t been paid.

12. Seek support or professional help. You don’t have to do it alone, especially if anxiety or depression becomes a constant drummer.

Communication is an important aspect of all relationships. Couples that have
healthy relationships communicate love and respect to each other. Effective
communication requires not only listening and empathy skills but also the ability
to express thoughts and feelings without criticism or attack of the partner.
Feeling safe to express emotions and thought are therefore primary to good
communication.  If you are afraid of being hurt or rejected for your emotions or
thoughts you will be reluctant to communicate.  Good communication doesn’t
mean that you won’t have any conflict, it involves how honestly you express
your thoughts, ideas, and feelings to others, especially in what you say and how
you say it.

1. Start with good will: Not everyone thinks or behaves in the same way about the same situation.
   Rather than patronizing, scolding, or criticising use the opportunity to share how different or alike
   you are with your partner.
   
2. Own your stuff:  Don’t make your tiggering a reason to blame someone else. Take
   responsibility for your own reactions and feelings
   
3. Use “I” messages:  Let the other person know that you are having a feeling about a behavior
   rather than them.
   
4. Admit the truth: Rather than having to be totally right, be forthcoming about what may be true
   about what the other person is saying.
   
5. Ask what your partner needs: Under every hurt or frustration is an unmet need.  Find out
   directly what it is so that it can be addressed.
   
6. Don’t take it personally: Most triggers are the result of some past pain that gets reminded in our
   hurt psyche. Sharing this unresolved past with your partner removes blame and increases
   understanding  about how you “work”.
   
7. Express the opportunity: We are all in relationship to be supported and feel connected.  Use
   your communication as a way to get your needs met and to be understood,especially if you have
   some unresolved issues that only a trusted partner can hear and help heal.
   

Don‘t wait for your challenges to become overwhelming or
destructive.  Seek and get help. Call GLOW Counseling NOW!

Ten stress management and anti-depression tools

1.        Stay present. Anxiety and depression are marked by lingering in a painful past and/or worry of the future.  Connecting with your body through exercise or your senses can bring you back to the moment.  Try walking to take in the out-of-doors and get some
sunshine while you are doing it.
2.        Challenge catastrophic thinking. Notice negative thinking and distortions or reality.  Ask yourself:  Is what I’m afraid of happening now? Pick out the hijacking thoughts and file them away or talk to someone else to get a reality check.
3.        Nutritional support. Cut back on caffeine, which can make you nervous or anxious, especially later in the day, to avoid insomnia. Reduce your sugar intake to stabilize blood sugar levels and maintain energy, and add a good source of B-vitamin complex to your diet as a natural anti-anxiety supplement.
4.        Breathe. Meditative breathing, also called “focusing on the navel” allows you to discharge anxiety and relax the mind.  Try it lying down first and see if you can transfer the method to a sitting or standing position.  Then you can do it anywhere.
5.        Do for someone else. Do something for a loved one or a stranger. Volunteer or just play with your pet. This will increase also increase your social network and support.
6.        Regain you creative passions. We all have an artistic spirit that was conditioned out of us as the price of maturity.  Rediscover your muse and start creating, whether its cooking, gardening, drawing, writing, or singing along to your old favorites.  Find out what gives you pleasure and invest.
7.        Find a hobby. Whether its garage sales, crafts, collecting stamps, find something that brings you joy and motivation, and is a healthy distraction from the everyday stressors.
8.        Take a hot bath. Close the door, light a candle, relax the body and mind, and don’t forget the bubbles.
9.        Massage. Learn how to give yourself simple massage.We all know how rub the kinks out of our neck so move those hands farther afield, to all the long muscle of the arms and legs, to the head, back, and buttocks.  Better yet, exchange massage with a friend or loved one
10.      Find little comforts. Remember how you felt as a child snuggling with your Teddy bear or blanky. Well, it’s never too late to find and support the little comforts: a cup of hot chocolate, cuddling with a good book,  

Suffering from anxiety or panic attacks?  Life is overwhelming?  Dealing with a history of trauma, abuse, or assault? You are not alone! Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are common and treatable
disorders. There is hope!anxiety, depression, and PTSD related issues including sex therapy, couples counseling, and psycho-sexual education.

GLOW Counseling can help on a variety of

If you are between your late Thirties and late Fifties, you are probably undergoing a natural life cycle change or transition often labeled as the “midlife crisis“;. This developmental transition is marked both by physical changes, as the body ages, and by psychological responses to the changing landscape of your life. Some of you will accept and adapt to these changes, processing and grieving them as necessary losses and natural parts of aging. Others, especially those who have not dealt with their personal issues, such a fears, doubts, social and familial expectations and roles, experience distress, anxiety, depression, and anger about the changing meaning of their lives. Reactions to this life transition can come in a variety of forms:

Denial and avoidance: burying the anxiety and distress leads to depression and feelings of stuckness, including the risk of addictive behaviors such as substance abuse and sex addiction.

Attempts at reclaiming declining image: impulsivity like shopping sprees, including the proverbial new sports car, or trying to recapture lost youth through various immature behaviors.

Relationship problems: blaming your partner or avoiding of intimacy for fear of being exposed, feeling vulnerable, or seen as an impostor.

Anger, irritability, and defensiveness: resistance to obligations and feeling trapped in role expectations.

Anxiety and stress: fear, or worry about the future.Feeling lost and directionless: trying to figure out goals, priorities, values in a changing world.

Unhappiness: restlessness, lack of motivation, weight gain, and lose of interest, including sex.

Soul Searching: who am I? What’s the meaning of my life?

LGBT Baby Boomers have withstood many years of discrimination and say their approach to retirement and aging has been shaped by these experiences. “Still Out Still Aging : The MetLife Study of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Baby Boomers,” conducted with the American Society on Aging (ASA) and its constituent group, the LGBT Aging Issues Network (LAIN), shows LGBT Boomers will approach retirement differently than the general population and most will delay retirement until they are 70. Largely single and living alone, they will rely more on close friends than family for support as they age. The MetLife Study reports the following:

·         60% of LGBT Boomers fear being unable to care for themselves as they age; 35% fear becoming dependent on others; and 10% fear discrimination as they age.

·         Of the LGBT sample surveyed, Lesbians (76%), Gay men (74%), Bisexuals (16%) and Transgender individuals (39%) say they are “completely” or “mostly” out.  61% of Lesbians and 57% of Gay men say their families are “completely” or “very” accepting, while that is true for 24% of Bisexuals and 42% of Transgender individuals.

·         Members of the LGBT group are more likely to say they will be at least 70 before they can retire, 48% compared with 40% in the general population, mostly for economic reasons.  Only a quarter or fewer in the LGBT group say they have saved what they need to live in retirement.
 
·         While LGBT Boomers continue to fear discrimination, 55% of the LGBT sample say they have total or near total confidence that they will be treated with dignity and respect, compared with 39% of the comparison group.
 
·         A higher percentage of LGBT Boomers have completed living wills, health care proxies, rights of visitation and partnership agreements, in comparison to the general population.
 
·         Though both populations are likely to discuss end-of-life issues with their partners/spouses, LGBT Boomers have many more of those discussions with siblings, parents and other relatives.
 
·         In the LGBT group, men and women are equally likely to be caring for a parent or partner.
 
·         Members of the general population are more likely to be in a relationship than those in the LGBT sample, 77% vs. 61%.  More than a quarter (26%) of LGBT partners have gotten married, even though only five states grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  Many (63%) say they would marry if there was a federal law allowing gay marriage.
 
·         Nearly two thirds of LGBT Boomers say they have a “chosen family,” a group of people they consider family, even though they are not legally or biologically related.

GLOW Counseling can help you glow and grow. By helping you understand and be comfortable with who you are, where you are, and why you’re at this place in your life,  you can open up to all of life’s opportunities and your own growth, liberation, and potential.